Runaway Driver: The Mystery of the Exploding Brown Bag

 RunawayDriver: The Mystery of the Exploding Brown Bag

Is it just me, or did delivery standards take a nosedive? I remember when my meats were tucked into freezer bags like precious cargo. Today? I opened my door to find a brown paper disaster.

It was a classic "drop and dash with a flash." My driver must have seen the bag rip, panicked, and channeled their inner Olympic sprinter to get back to the car. I can picture them driving off, whistling a tune, acting like my eggs aren't currently decorating my welcome mat.

                                       

“Exhibit A: The Great Bag Collapse of 2026.”

Note to drivers: We know mistakes happen! If you’re new or just having a rough morning, just send a quick chat message. A little apology turns a "runaway driver" into a "human being." Until then, I’ll be out here on the porch with a spatula, trying to salvage my morning.

OH LORD! IF I COULD SEE HER FACE WHEN SHE OPEN THAT DOOR!

 

Let's get out of here! Run away gig driver!

I’m certain my driver broke a land-speed record flying down my stairs and peeling out of the driveway before I could even turn the doorknob. No "sorry," no "oops," just a trail of groceries and a getaway car.

Look, if it’s your first day and you’re struggling with the physics of a weak paper bag, I get it. But please, have some mercy! A quick "I'm so sorry" in the chat goes a long way. Instead, I’m left staring at my breakfast scattered across the concrete while my driver vanishes into the sunset.

"The real kicker? I actually had a gift card sitting on the counter, ready to hand off as a 'thank you' for the early morning hustle. But instead of a tip and a smile, I got a 'drop and dash' and a porch full of groceries. I guess that gift card is staying right where it is."